Day 170: There is no cruelty in God and none in me.

On the evening of today's lesson, I had a confrontation with a friend, which resulted in the end of our friendship.  This blog comes a few days after that night.  Over the course of these last few days, the whole situation has eaten away at me.  Finally, as I sat down to write, the healing thoughts came.  I realized that I first needed to address my friend directly.  Below is what I wrote to him:

I am writing to make amends.  I am writing to apologize for my actions over these last couple weeks.  I realized tonight upon reflecting on what happened that I did not behave as a friend, as a Brother to you.  I should have acknowledged your feelings rather than deny your right to feel the way you did.  I should have said, "I'm sorry, I did not intend for you to feel that way."  Instead, I became defensive, and I judged.

When we spoke later on, I had mistaken my own judgment for concern.  But you were right.  I was being judgmental.  I had taken what you had told me in confidence and strung it together to defend my own point of view.  For that I am truly sorry.  It was not my place to name your issues, or to even claim you had any.  As a friend, as a Brother, I should have simply listened.  It was not my intent to attack you; but unfortunately, that's precisely what I did, and without my awareness that I had done so.

One thing I stand by is this: You are a good person.  This I know.  I never doubted that, and I never meant to imply that I thought anything less of you.

I hope you will forgive me for placing undue judgment on you.  I hope you will forgive me for becoming defensive and attacking back.  I hope you will recognize my good intent and that I did not mean to hurt you.  I am sorry that I did.

In the spirit of the holiday, I want to let you know that I am grateful you came into my life, no matter how brief our friendship was.  I wrongfully thought that it was you who needed me.  I realize now that it was I who needed you, to learn from my own misgivings, and to better understand what being a true friend means.

How perfect this lesson was for me today.  There is no cruelty in God and none in me.  Cruelty, in any form it may take - be it judgment, defensiveness, or attack - is all the same.  To be cruel is to withhold Love.  It goes against our very nature, for we are Love.  This was why I had been at odds with myself.  This is what had been eating away at me.  I had betrayed my own nature.

The beauty here lies in the act of forgiveness.  Forgiveness in action is always a miracle at work.  Forgiveness is how we heal, and how we return from a false state of cruelty to our True state of Love.  To make amends is to forgive ourselves, and in doing so we forgive our Brothers and Sisters as well.

So if you're having trouble sleeping, if you're feeling down and out of sorts; ask yourself if there is someone you have not forgiven.  Make amends, and heal the wound.  That is where you will find Peace again.  That is where you will be welcomed back into your Heart, for only Love can dwell there.  It is the only Truth of Who We Really Are.  There is no cruelty in God and none in me.  Remember this today.

Until tomorrow,
Journeyman